Let It All Go
by Katieelessar
Summary: ObiWan’s having a hard time letting go of the past and QuiGon is there to comfort him. Another OneShot HC. No Slash.


_Title: Let It All Go_

_Author: Katieelessar_

_Rating: G_

_Category: Drama/Angst_

_Time Frame: JA, Obi-Wan's 15_

_Characters: Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon_

_Summary: Obi-Wan's having a hard time letting go of the past and Qui-Gon is there to comfort him. Another One-Shot H/C. No Slash._

_Author's Note: Oh just another one of those hurt/comfort/mush/fluff/cutie fics that seem to roam the galaxy of fan fic. I wrote this one evening because I was bored. Have fun reading my entertainment._

_Disclaimer: Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan—no mine. All Lucas'. Yep, me own nada, zip, nothing._

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**Let It All Go**

A stifled sob jerked Qui-Gon out of his sleep. Eyes snapping open, he unconsciously reached for his lightsaber that was on the nightstand. His eyes met deep blackness save for a small streak of moonlight that flittered in through the door…the open door.

His training told him to run through those doors to find the unknown but his instincts told him to wait until he was thinking clearly, which didn't take long. In a moment, he realized that he was alone, and second noticed the empty bed beside him. It took him another split second to realize there was no immediate danger, none at all in fact, and laid his lightsaber back to its former resting place.

Sitting up, he moved waited until his eyes adjusted before making his way slowly to the empty threshold. While doing so, he tapped into his and Obi-Wan's training bond and was overwhelmed to feel it bursting with torment. His footsteps quickened and he all but ran outside…but halted sharply when he saw what stood before him.

Obi-Wan, his poor, compassionate, young Obi-Wan was crying. Not the weeping of self-pity or the loss of something dear but a raw requiem of something else…something more. He was sitting, but keeled over as if something sharp pained his stomach but Qui-Gon knew it was only a distortion of the anguish roiling inside his apprentice. The whole frame shook with heavy sobs, some deep and tearing, others sharp quick breaths that stung Qui-Gon's heart with unfathomable distress. He was used to feeling his Padawan's pain but seeing it as tangible as it was right now was too much for him to bear.

Acting without another thought, he walked over to the oblivious young man and sat beside him on the bench. Gently, he placed an arm around the shaking shoulder and bent over to look into the hidden face.

'Obi-Wan.' He said quietly and his eyes were met with glistening blue ones. Tears streaked the youth's face, catching the stray rays moonlight so that they look alight with an allusion of brightness. The jerking sobs condescended that allusion, however, and it was the stormy glare behind the sheen of moonlight that acted as the lips of the heart.

'Don't.' The young man choked out and Qui-Gon furrowed his brow.

'Don't what, my young one?'

'Don't….don't do this. I don't deserve your pity.'

'What is wrong, Obi-Wan?' He continued to rub slow circles on the young man's back until his sobs were somewhat placed under control and he was able to keep his blue eyes out of his hands. He didn't look at Qui-Gon, though when he spoke.

'No, don't ask me, I can't tell you.'

'And why can't you, Padawan? Do you not trust me?' He asked gently and prodded benignly at the heavy shields Obi-Wan had placed on his side of the bond. He was a little more than surprised when that side filled up with anger and frustration, so quickly placed at him.

'Yes, Master I do! Please, don't think I don't because I do. I'd trust you with my life….it's just…'

'Just what, young one?' When Obi-Wan didn't answer he ceased all motions of his right hand and leaned back against the bench seat, leaving Obi-Wan to remain to stare off into space with his unseeing eyes.

'I don't deserve your kindness, Master. After everything that has happened, I don't understand how you can be so kind to me.'

Ah, so it was the mission to Qasdir-7 that Obi-Wan was speaking of. Qui-Gon felt suddenly very angry with himself for not realizing this earlier. It had been nearly a week since they had left that once war driven country to peace…though getting to that stage had been trying on both their parts. Not long after they had arrived had the spaceport been destroyed and a group of rioters at their heels, telling them to go back to the capital with the rest of the 'false protectors.' Becoming separated in the midst, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had had to complete the mission without the counsel or guidance of one another and it had proven more than difficult for them to get along. They had both, thankfully, found refuge in different resistance groups and met up after about a week, but it was what happened during that week that Qui-Gon knew troubled his Padawan.

The young man had made some difficult calls, despite his best efforts to save everyone, there had been a few that had fallen to his blade. This normally didn't affect his Padawan so…powerfully but it had been one death in particular that pained his apprentice.

During a large outbreak in the city square, young native men and women had fought against Obi-Wan's resistance team. When Obi-Wan's side began to push back their adversaries, the opponent didn't cower, but instead, unleashed another weapon; children. Small boys and girls were placed in front of the firing soldiers, and Qui-Gon found it, despite his best attempts to not take sides, despicable that people would give up their own children lives for their own power and lives. He had faced a similar situation in Melida/Daan but that time, it was the children fighting against their parents, not the parents using their children as shields and weapons of pity.

Qui-Gon sighed when he remembered what Obi-Wan had told him next. Five of the children had been shot before the Qasdirian's had had enough and fled. Qui-Gon also knew that three of those children had been hit by deflection bolts from Obi-Wan's blade…as hard as the Padawan had tried to protect the small children, they had still gotten hit.

Suddenly, Obi-Wan turned to his master; eyes alight with a fire Qui-Gon had never seen before.

'I could have saved them, Master.'

Qui-Gon began to shake his head, but knew the attempt was futile, he could feel the anger building on the other side of the bond to a crescendo or rage and self berating. Obi-Wan sharply stood up and began pacing the small balcony, his footfalls sounding like angry slaps against a face.

'Why didn't I see it?' He asked, anguished. 'I knew they were there, aware of every moment that they and my team made. Why wasn't I aware of myself?'

'It was a confused time.' Qui-Gon consoled gently, but Obi-Wan shook his head violently and placed a shaking hand to his face.

'It wasn't their time to go yet. I was suppose to help make a new world for them to come to when they grew up, but instead, I destroy them before they even get that chance!' He threw down his hands in frustration. 'But how did I murder three, Master? Three young, innocent, scared children? How could I ever kill them all? I didn't learn from my first mistake and repeated it over and over again. If they hadn't retreated by then…Master, I could have killed them all.' He bowed his head as tears threaten to overwhelm him again.

This was too much for Qui-Gon. He swiftly pulled himself to his feet and grabbed his Padawan tightly by the shoulders, matching his piercing blue eyes with the tumultuous sea storm of the other.

'Obi-Wan, come to your senses, you know that is not true. Everything was in havoc, you were trying to lead the other men and keep an eye on the enemy and yourself at the same time. You cannot fault yourself for something that was out of your hands. It wasn't your fault. Obi-Wan!' He gently shook the boy when he began to pull away. Obi-Wan stared at him, wide-eyed which made his face look much too small for the pained orbs, paused for a moment before limply falling into his master's arms and releasing a sob.

Qui-Gon tightened his arms around the shaking boy and laid his head on the crown of ginger spiked hair. _Oh, my Obi-Wan, my son, why do you burden yourself with everything? You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to do everything._

He felt a lump rise in his throat as Obi-Wan continued to sob in his tunic and held onto him tighter, as if he held Obi-Wan's key to rescue his heart from the chain that was wrapped around it.

'Hush, Padawan. Don't weep….' He soothed and continued to utter nonsense words into the boy's ear.

A few minutes passed and the night air blew frigidly around them, making him realize that Obi-Wan had stopped his weeping and was shaking from the cold more than his tears. As gently as he could, he pried Obi-Wan from his chest and gazed into the red rimmed eyes.

'You don't believe me, do you Padawan?'

Ashamedly, Obi-Wan bowed his head, but only to have it raised by a strong hand and he had no choice but to gaze back at his Master's compassionate face. He was afraid that his master would be embarrassed or ashamed to see him in such a state. Force, didn't he have more control? He had woken up from another nightmare and thought that the night air would help ease the lingering fragments of the dream but instead, its cold fingers had gripped those pieces and pieced them back into the horrible memory he had. That was when he had lost all control, when he saw the faces of the young children collapsing in agonizing pain; eyes wide, mouth agape and a silent scream pealing from their lips before dropping into the grey ground with faces just as pallid.

He shook his head to let go of the memory. He could not—would not weep again. He would control himself, he had to control himself. Force, what did his master see in him now? A young boy so easily broken by a chance accident? He stifled a moan of frustration. Well he had to explain himself at least!

'No, Master, that's not what I meant. I…I know it wasn't my fault. I believe you and I believe the truth. I'm sorry, Master. I didn't—'

'Padawan, hush.' Qui-Gon said firmly and moved his hand from the dimpled chin to the cloaked shoulder, squeezing it tightly. 'You have no reason, none at all to be sorry, but you must understand that some things do happen, the Force wills it to be and for reasons we may not know sometimes but we must understand that it is for our benefit, despite what we feel. We all make mistakes, we learn and through time, we acquire more knowledge, but we never stop learning. Do you believe that Padawan?'

Obi-Wan nodded. 'Yes…but, well—'

'It doesn't stop the pain from hurting.'

Obi-Wan shook his head as new tears pushed behind his eyes and he painfully pushed them back down. Qui-Gon noticed the internal struggle and moved to put an arm around the young man, knowing that physical contact would help ease the chain around his heart.

'We are human, Obi-Wan, despite what many may believe, we are not machines, we are not flawless. It is neither wrong nor unscrupulous to feel emotion. It is a part of life, just as every other part of us. Do not feel ashamed, young one, don't.'

Obi-Wan nodded slowly and suddenly chuckled.

'Master, you look half frozen out here. Perhaps we should go back inside?'

It took Qui-Gon a moment to realize he was cold, freezing at that, the bitter wind bit through his thin nightclothes and tunic.

'Here.' Obi-Wan wrapped a tight arm around the man's waist and allowed his slightly more warmed body emit heat through the clothes. Qui-Gon was deeply touched at the simple gesture and pulled Obi-Wan closer to him.

'Are you tired, young one?' He asked tenderly and Obi-Wan nodded against his arm.

'Yes, Master.'

'Come then, I do not think you will have anymore nightmares. Obi-Wan?'

'Wait, Master.' Qui-Gon halted mid step at the voice, turning back to his slightly smiling apprentice whose eyes were alight with the light of the moon, no storms hidden behind the veil. The face was smooth and sheen with light, if from the moon or his inner light, he could not decipher but it was in this moment that he felt an overwhelming amount of gratitude for ever meeting and gaining Obi-Wan as his apprentice…his friend…his son.

'Thank you, Master.'

'Thank you, my Padawan.'

And together, they walked back into the room, moon glowing brighter than before.

_The End_

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_Please review! No flames though, it's hot enough over here as it is! Ah, delightful summer!_


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